On the other side

I was talking to someone who was sharing with me the fear of selling the home. Everything was changing… the kids… the needs…the neighborhood…

Hell!!  Life itself was changing! What will I become? … We built that place!…We raised our children there…Will they feel lost/disenfranchised? or worse will they drift the planet joining a nomadic pursuit of something permanent? Is it not my role to give them a home base to return to as adults? And what about the grandchildren?”

As the conversation continued the emotion grew more evident. Soon the tone of voice could no longer mask the disillusionment and sadness.

Then out of nowhere the conversation shifted  when my friend said;

” ….and l just finally found a first class handy man… you think I will ever be able to find someone to help me renovate there ?! uh no!!

I say something shifted because I saw it.

It was as if something moved in front of me in an indiscernible way.


Did you just say you were afraid you wouldn’t find someone to help you renovate this new place you don’t want to move to? Why think about fixing it up if you’re gonna stay here? Where did that come from ?”

For a considerable time in our discussion we had remained fixated on the loss and what would be forced to be given up.

We were mired in the problem based thinking that itself is rooted in fear.

It’s really hard to see a solution when you are squarely focused on the problem.

It has long since been my thinking that very little in this world concrete, actually has the ability to frighten us to the point of self limitation.

There is not a lot “out there” that truly frightens us. Rather it is only in the space between our ears where  fear truly grips us. And even though this has “long since” been within my awareness – it never ceases to amaze me at how fear actually creeps sneakily in to influence us.

Ever the chameleon of emotions, fear most subversively roots itself in the thoughts of our dreams.

Often initially showing up as the voice of reason, cautiously shepherding our thoughts backward in time to some lesson learned or into the future toward some pain to be avoided. Until we are living somewhere but in the moment – this is the illusion of fear- it rarely occurs in the moment we are experiencing- fear almost always flourishes and thrives in the future or past.

Change in our lives invariably provides the perfect petrie dish in our being to nurture and grow the influence of our deepest fears.

In his book ” The Untethered Soul” , Michael Singerman writes:

Change can be viewed as either exciting or frightening, but regardless of how we view it, we must all face the fact that change is the very nature of life. If you have a lot of fear you won’t like change. You’ll try to create a world around you that is predictable, controllable and definable. You’ll try to create a world that doesn’t stimulate your fears. Fear doesn’t want to feel itself … so you utilize your mind to manipulate life for the purpose of not feeling fear

The idea that life’s changes are something many of us resist is not an epiphany. However the degree to which we are prepared to allow the internal Instagram influencers of our mind  to halt our full experience of life fascinates me. Especially with the recognition that these “institioriginally designed to keep us aware, awake and alive)

A personal desire to experience, as Singer puts it “the very nature of life”, with ALL its ups downs and growing pains, is continuously challenged by the paralytic influence of trying to experienced life free from change and pain.

This influencer of our thoughts, words and actions can literally halt any forward progress and growth, often before it can identified as the voice of some past pain or future anticipated loss, that’s just taken a little too much of the reigns!

Back to my friend and the impending move …our conversation concluded with that awareness that happens within when something “shifts” .

All of the sudden the vision was no longer focused on the fearsome issues change would create but instead we both found ourselves imagining projects the handyman could complete to realize a new home of dreams.

Reminding me of this simple truth.

What lies on the other side of the fear we imagine is beyond our imagination.

Fearlessly out shine the moon

Talking with a particularly luminescent friend of mine yesterday, we reflected on how all too often It seems, fear holds us back in the most subversive and sneaky ways.

There is a perception that if we “strive to shine” we need to do so very quietly so as not to make others feel dimmer, for if they do all too often they will remind us that we are not “special enough” to achieve any truly lofty objectives .

We are conditioned, by those gripped by fear around us, to believe that “lighting it up” and allowing our own light to shine, we will almost inevitably be confused as arrogant. We limit ourselves in the fear others will interpret our self perception as being “better than”

Often this creates a roller coaster life experience of stellar moments of brilliant performance followed by jaw dropping idiotic behavior.

My friend shared, he struggled with this for a long time.

So deeply interwoven into the fiber of his being, that he unconsciously practiced self destruction and self sabotage, lest he left his peers thinking that he believed his “shit don’t stink!”

As he never intended to project arrogance on a conscious level, he figures unconsciously he must have concluded that “I better just behave in a way that contradicts what I feared people might think of me “.

Like many of us, his darkest place was loneliness and isolation, so he chose to play small and shrink so others wouldn’t feel “less than” and withdraw from him.

He shuttered his light.

His behavior was much less of a reflection of the infinite possibilities at our fingertips us through the power of an open loving heart (and self love is huge part of that).  Choosing instead to behave under the influence of the power of fear, simply to prove that he didn’t see himself in the way he feared those around him might see him.

How fakata !!

The truth is that’s just so over thought it proves fear is at the root.  The truth is if we weren’t supposed to leverage our gifts why would we possess them ?  

Put best …

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — Marianne Williamson

So uh ..No dude- fear not projecting brighter than. precisely you  have a role to play and your part is to play so others may also be released to light the stage, to play their role, so we all can get on with the show!

In the eloquence of Williamson we were all born to shine, in order to manifest this light within for the precise purpose to light the path for others to find their own brilliance.

And in so doing collectively one day, we will brighten an what sometime appears to be an increasingly darkening sky.